Why Won't My Toddler Sleep? Understanding and Navigating Bedtime Resistance in Two-Year-Olds
If your toddler resists bedtime, gets a "second wind" after 7p.m., or insists they're not tired, you're not alone. Many two-year-olds struggle with falling asleep - not because they're trying to be difficult, but because their developing brains and emotions are still learning how to manage rest and regulation.
In this article, we'll explore why toddlers resist sleep and offer practical, science-backed strategies to help your child -- and your family - get the rest you need.
What's Going on in a Toddler's Brain? 
By age two, your child is experiencing big developmental changes:
- A growing sense of independence
- Emerging emotional awareness but limited self-regulation
- Language bursts, but not always enough to express feelings
- Evolving sleep patterns and routines
What may look like defiance is often a sign of developmental immaturity. The areas of the brain responsible for impulse control, emotional regulation, and sleep-wake rhythms are still developing (Thompson & Nelson, 2001).
Why Your Toddler Might Be Resisting Bedtime
1. Bedtime Feels Like Separation
Toddlers often resist bedtime not because they're wide awake, but because they associate it with separating from you. Even confident toddlers can feel uneasy when it's time to say goodnight.
💡Try this: Build a warm, reassuring bedtime routine that prioritizes closeness and predictability.
2. They're Learning to Say "No"
At this age, "no" is your toddler's superpower. It's how they explore autonomy in a world where most choices are made for them. As they discover their ability to make choices, saying "no" to sleep is often a way of inserting their own voice.
💡What helps: Offer simple choices within clear limits to support your child's growing autonomy. For example:
- "Would you like your blue pajamas or your red ones? "
- "One story or two tonight?"
3. They Don't Recognize They're Tired
Toddlers aren't always aware that they're tired - or how to express it. Helping your child recognize signs of sleepiness builds self-awareness and emotional intelligence.
💡Try this: Use phrases like "Your eyes are blinking slowly - that's your body saying it needs a rest," or "Does your body feel tired right now?" . Helping toddlers name their own tiredness builds agency and cooperation.
4. Overtiredness Triggers Cortisol, Making It Harder to Sleep
When toddlers stay up past their natural sleep window, their bodies produce more cortisol ( a stress hormone), making them wired
instead of sleepy. This "second wind" can lead to bedtime battles, tantrums, of full meltdowns.
A Canadian study found that toddlers with shorter sleep durations had elevated cortisol levels, which were linked to difficulty regulating emotions (Scher et al., 2010). Similarly, Gunnar & Donzella (2002) show that high cortisol interferes with calming down and self-regulation - especially at bedtime.
💡Try this: Protect a consistent bedtime and support afternoon naps or quiet rest periods to avoid overtiredness.
5. Busy Days or Stressful Days Can Affect Sleep
Too much activity, late-day stimulation, or screen exposure can make it harder for your toddler to recognize tiredness or settle into sleep.
💡What helps: Create a quiet, soothing bedtime routine that helps your toddler unwind with gentle activities like reading, soft music, or cuddling.
Four Evidence-Based Strategies to Help Your Toddler Sleep Better
1. Keep a Predictable, Gentle Routine with Choices
Toddlers thrive on routines that feel safe and familiar - but they also need a sense of control. Offer limited choices within your bedtime routine to give them a sense of agency while maintaining structure.
- Examples: "Do you want to brush your teeth first or put on pyjamas first?"; "Should we read your bunny book or the truck book tonight?"; "Do you want to climb into bed yourself or have my help to lift you into bed?".
A calming sequence like bath ->pyjamas ->stories ->hugs -> lights out helps signal sleep time without a power struggle.
2. Prioritize Connection Before Bedtime
Ten minutes of one-on-one, distraction-free attention can ease separation anxiety and help your child feel emotionally full before sleep.
Try: "You have all of me for x minutes. What would you like to do together?"
3. Support your Toddler in Recognizing Their Own Tiredness
Helping children notice signs of fatigue empowers them to participate in rest routines. Use clear, relatable language and validate their cues, even if they don't fall asleep right away.
Try: "Let's take a rest - even if you're not sleepy, your body might be."
4. Maintain an Afternoon Nap or Quiet Rest Time
Even if your child is beginning to skip naps, a daily rest period helps reduce cortisol spikes and supports better nighttime sleep. This also allows the brain time to rest and supports emotional regulation.
Canadian guideline: According to the Canadian 24-Hr Movement Guidelines, toddlers aged 1-2 should get 11-14 hours of good quality sleep per day, including naps, with regular bedtimes and wake-up times. (CSEP , 2017). This aligns with other Canadian health sources (e.g. provincial pediatric guidance) noting similar ranges.
What Not to Worry About
- Your toddler isn't manipulating you - they're communicating needs,
- Skipping naps usually worsens sleep, not improves it.
- Perfection isn't required - consistency and connection matter most.
When to Seek Extra Support
If sleep issues persist for more than a few weeks, or your child experiences night terrors, prolonged anxiety, or frequent wakings, consult a pediatrician or sleep specialist.
Final Thoughts: Sleep is a Skill Built Over Time
Toddlers aren't born knowing how to sleep independently - it's something they learn through secure relationships, consistent routine and gentle guidance.
By helping your child identify when they're tired, offering structured choices, and keeping bedtime warm and predictable, you're not just improving sleep - you're building emotional resilience for years to come.
📚 References
- Canadian Society for Exercise Physiology (CSEP). (2017). Canadian 24-Hour Movement Guidelines for the Early Years (0–4 years). Retrieved from cichprofile.ca
- Scher, A., Hall, W. A., Zaidman-Zait, A., & Weinberg, J. (2010). Sleep quality and cortisol levels in toddlers. Developmental Psychobiology, 52(1), 44–53. https://doi.org/10.1002/dev.20412
- Gunnar, M. R., & Donzella, B. (2002). Social regulation of cortisol in early human development. Psychoneuroendocrinology, 27(1–2), 199–220. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0306-4530(01)00045-2
- Thompson, R. A., & Nelson, C. A. (2001). Early brain development and child well-being. American Psychologist, 56(1), 5–15. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.56.1.5
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